How to help those who won’t help themselves

You can’t.

I am passionate. Passionate about all I put my energy towards. One of the things that I am passionate about is helping others. I have been fortunate as a beneficiary of those who have helped me. Therefore, I consider it a duty, to help others within my ability.

I can’t.

I am sometimes approached by others seeking advice. My over-willingness to help perks up. The tone of my response is high-pitched and energized, with an underlining eagerness of “I can make a difference here.” Then I am countered with a “But” or “I can’t” trailed by an excuse. My stupidity and over-willingness battles it out to ensure the requester that “They can” and “This is how.” A few rounds of passionate advice giving, followed by rebuttals of excuses. Each round, the pitch in my voice reaches new highs. The finale comes with the requester offering a polite,”Thank you, though.” “Though” — the final and lethal jab to this co-dependent.

I am defeated.

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About Hadiyah

Software Engineer and Startup Aficionado. I co-founded software agency, Playpen Labs, and Black Founders nonprofit. I teach women how to code at Hackbright Academy.